CLARE’S STORY*

“FOOD AND MONEY were withheld and used to get me to do what he wanted,” Clare, a lawyer and survivor member of the whānau, tells me. “I got used to skipping meals so that I didn’t have to ask for things. When we needed something – nappies for my son, food – I had to justify it. Food wasn’t an enjoyable thing.”

Despite Clare’s family being financially comfortable, the kitchen was usually kept bare, with nothing but olive oil, salt and bottled sauces. “Once, I snuck off down the road to go to a shop to buy groceries, but for some reason my card didn’t work.” She recounts being so frantic she wasn’t sure of her PIN and had to leave the groceries behind. When she returned home, she was caught.

Years later, Clare’s relationship to food is shifting with recovery. With the help of The Aunties and support towards buying groceries, she and her children are always fed and she’s tackling the emotions she has surrounding eating and her habit of skipping meals.

“I always include myself in meals now. I can’t say I enjoy food yet or that I enjoy making it. I go to my friend’s house and feel, ‘I wish I was like you’. Dinner is still a stressful time for me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it’s not like ‘once you end the relationship that’s it, you’re free forever’. No you’re not, it’s just the next part of the same journey.”